Healing from Sexual Abuse is a Journey

By Becca

Victims of childhood sexual abuse often suffer from feeling unlovable, unworthy, powerless, and shameful. I was sexually abused as a child. The trauma of abuse is often buried deep within the soul and may not surface until years after the incident. This was the case for me as I struggled in my marriage nearly 25 years after the abuse occurred before recalling the trauma. 

Thankfully, I had a good support system and was able to look to the right places to find healing. God was with me through all of my pain and through the difficult processes in my journey. When I began the journey I had no idea that it would be one I would be on for the rest of my life. The road to healing is not an easy one. There were many moments that I wished I had never started the journey. However, through much perseverance and a lot of searching, God was able to take the broken pieces and put them back together. He was able to show me that I truly am lovable and worthy and that I do not have to live with shame. Learning to love myself was really difficult. Eventually, I was able to believe the words I had heard all my life, that Jesus loves me. For those who don’t have sexual abuse in their background, that may sound crazy. Believing Jesus loved me and that I could love myself were the biggest obstacles I had to overcome; believing someone else could love me followed closely behind. Realizing the abuse was not my fault was another huge challenge.  

I believe one of the hardest things to understand about healing from sexual abuse is that everyone heals at their own pace. For me, my healing has come in waves over the years. Sexual abuse has many different fingers that reach in many different directions. There have been times I thought my healing was complete only to find months later another area needed to be addressed and healed. The common factor is that God is always there and always willing to heal, if I am open and allow Him to work in my life. Learning to trust is difficult for survivors of sexual abuse; however, God has shown me that He is trustworthy. Again, this has come after years of doubting His goodness and His love. The greatest lesson God has taught me through my healing is that every day I need to take time to seek Him, to spend time with Him, and to give Him permission to guide me through the day. The days I am faithful to giving myself wholly to Him are the days I have the most peace. I know my journey is still not over, but I do know that I have a companion on my journey who loves me unconditionally and will be with me always. If you are on the road to healing from sexual abuse, do not lose hope, seek help, and most importantly open yourself up to the goodness of God and allow Him to heal you.

The sources I have found most helpful on my journey are “The Wounded Heart — Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse” by Dr. Dan B. Allender, “Healing the Shame That Binds You” by John Bradshaw, and “The Way:  A Healing Retreat for Female Survivors of Abuse” by Sue Stubbs.