Thankful for Family Blessings

When it comes to being patient, few people could argue that Ann and Matt Rief are pretty good at it. And one thing that they patiently waited for was a family of their own. In fact, the St. Paul couple waited nine years on an emotional roller coaster to make their family a reality.

The Riefs, members of Sts. Peter and Paul, told their story of faith and the “Culture of Life” during a session of Theology on Tap Oct. 14 at the Chicken Coop in Grand Island. About 20 people attended the event designed for those under age 40.

Matt, a civil engineer at Olsson in Grand Island, and Ann, who manages the family’s Prairie Knolls Vineyard, both came from larger families. They had naturally assumed when it came time, they would be able to have their own family.

However, natural family planning classes during their marriage preparation would reveal when it was time to start a family, it would be difficult. But both Ann and Matt had good jobs at the time and they hadn’t planned on starting a family right away. Until they received some unexpected news.

After five years of working with a company, Ann’s position had been terminated, leaving her not only devastated but wondering what she was supposed to do next.

“There’s nothing (more) that makes you feel like ‘Oh, maybe it’s time to start a family,’” she said.

They found a Catholic doctor who was not only prolife but was very familiar with the church’s teachings on morality and fertility.

Unfamiliar with the church’s teachings on artificial reproductive technologies, they said their doctor was gracious, walking them through the process before directing them to the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha.

Unfortunately for the couple, they found out it was “pretty evident” that they would not be able to conceive naturally.

While Matt said there were technologies out there—artificial means of achieving a pregnancy—they chose otherwise.

“We felt that was not God’s plan for us. We ended up choosing adoption,” he said.

They worked through the Nebraska Children’s Home where birth mothers choose the adoptive parents themselves. Over the next few years, they attended monthly meetings with other couples hearing their stories of adoption and how they were chosen by birth mothers, all the while questioning why they weren’t chosen.

Things finally changed for the couple when they were connected with a 15-year old birth mother facing an unplanned pregnancy. Ann said they met with the mother-to-be several times and were there during the ultrasound where they found out the baby was a girl.

“That was really exciting for us because we finally felt like we had been chosen by somebody.”

In early September, they received a call from their case worker: the birth mother had changed her mind.

“It was pretty devastating,” Matt said. “It was very, very hard...that rejection.”

They began to doubt the choice they had made, thinking, perhaps maybe they should use artificial means. But at a baptism where they were godparents, Matt had a moment of clarity while on the altar.

“I remember sitting there and God spoke to me. ‘This child is a gift from God.’ It doesn’t matter how hard you work, it’s a gift,” he said. “It didn’t matter how hard we worked we had to put it in God’s hands, on God’s time, which is a hard lesson.”

They spent the next few months continuing the adoption process, attending attending seminars and going to monthly meetings. They watched as other couples were chosen by birth mothers, over and over again.

After Ann’s sister had her baby—the newest godchild for Ann and Matt—she offered to help with the baby, as well as her six other children.

She said while it was chaotic at times, it was also “vibrant and alive.” The hardest part, she said, was the long drive home from Wahoo to St. Paul.

"Leaving that place with so much life really made our house feel empty, it was so quiet,” she said. “Not just less, but it lacked that vibrancy, that energy that a big family provides.”

Even so, she was grateful to have the opportunity though because it helped prepare her.

“You don’t know exactly how you are going to be prepared until you get thrown into it. Well, I kind of got thrown into it.”

They volunteered as a couple for the staff at Higher Ground that summer where they shared their story. During what they called a “powerful experience,” the students prayed over them. They didn’t know it at the time, but another birth mother was close to making a decision.

Shortly after they returned from Higher Ground, they got another call from their adoption agency—a little 4-month old baby boy was up for adoption. A baby named Gabriel that they had met earlier at a fundraiser when he was just a few weeks old.

“It was a perfect fit,” Ann said.

Their prayers were finally answered and they were even more surprised when they received another call from their caseworker, one year later. The birth mother was experiencing another unplanned pregnancy.

“So within one year, we went from childless to parenting two boys a year and a half apart,”seminars and going to Ann said and laughed, “God has a sense of humor.”

Despite everything the couple has been through, they both realize the children are not theirs, but are truly a gift from God.

“They are entrusted to us to be their first teachers of faith, we are entrusted with these little souls to help them grow and eventually get into heaven.”

Among those attending Theology on Tap was newlywed Jordyn Grasz of Dodge City, Kan., formerly of St. Paul. She first met the Riefs while attending CCD as a seventh grader at Sts. Peter and Paul.

“I love that Ann and Matt were so open and vulnerable with us,” she said. “I felt like they went above and beyond to be honest with their struggles and obstacles.”

Grasz said for the first two months of her marriage to husband, Ty, circumstances forced them to live in separate states. She said it was hard to see God’s plan in their situation.

“But after listening to Ann and Matt, I was reminded that even when it doesn’t make sense to us, God is still at work. He’s still looking out for us and helping us.”

Ann and Matt finished the evening with a short discussion on Saint John Paul II’s “Culture of Life” using an image of a dandelion vs. a rose—the problem vs. the cure.

The weed or dandelion depicts alienation from God from distorted freedom, relativism, individualism, materialism and more. While the rose represents spiritual renewal such as evangelization, chastity, natural family planning and celebrating the gospel of life.

“The more separated we are from God, the more messed up, the more difficulties, the more things we are going to see on the top,” Ann said.

“We can really make an impact and change a dandelion to a rose.”