True Love

According to Hallmark, it’s Valentine’s Day! This is the day when sweethearts remember each other in a special way. Certainly, Valentine’s Day is a celebration for lovers, with a clear focus on the romantic side of love. Special cards, gifts, meals and moments are planned to celebrate romantic love for one another.      But really, what is love? For a few paragraphs I would like to look more seriously at the topic of love, often romanticized but not fully appreciated.      From the Greek language, we come to understand the term ‘love” in different ways. Eros is the kind of love that is romantic, the love that comes from a physical attraction to another person.  Phileo is the love of friendship, a brotherly love. Aristotle said, “a friend is another self.” Then there is Agape, the love of Christians for another. Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” This love for others, informed by Christ’s love for us, forms the basis of our lives as believers.  Therefore, if we want to discover the depths of love in this world, it would be good for us to reflect upon the beauty and profundity of love as Jesus taught us.      In a practical way, then, how can we know if we really love others? According to St. Thomas Aquinas, known as the “Angelic Doctor” for his grasp of philosophy and theology, to love another person is “to will the good of the other.” Love, then, is the desire for the good of the other and what is best for them. With this in mind, we can begin to see how it is possible to live what Jesus taught when he said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6: 27-28). We must always want what is good for them.      Christian love is to will whatever is best for another, that whatever is their highest good might be achieved. In this way, to love our enemies is to desire their spiritual development, to hope for what is best for them, and ultimately to desire their conversion and salvation. Without this kind of love, we could easily lapse into a hatred for those with whom we disagree and even seek to bring about their demise. (Actually, we are seeing this in the news, on social media and perhaps even in our own personal relationships.) In a world that is so polarized socially, politically and religiously as well, the teaching of Jesus to “love one another as I have loved you” is something that should guide our understanding of love as disciples of Jesus.      Consider, then, your own capacity to love like Christ. While this is not something that can be measured or quantified, it is something that should be ever expanding throughout our lives. Taking this definition of love as the ability to “will the good of another,” we might strive to daily put this idea into practice. To do this, we might start with those who are closest to us—our family and friends. To will the good of the other is to both desire what is best for them and to avoid being a scandal to them. It is important that we not only desire their good but avoid being a bad influence as well. Beyond our personal relationships, we ought to do this with other public figures, with those in the world who oppose our Christian values and those who are intent on destroying the values we hold so dear.      As a priest, and now as bishop, I have taken to conscientiously telling myself, “love them,” when a person or a group of people is troubling me. It is this intentional “willing the good of the other” that can transform our own hearts when we are powerless to do anything to change the other person.  The beauty is that in doing so, the Lord brings about a change in us.  As we strive to will the good of the other, the Lord is enabling us to love one another as he has loved us. In this, is our own sanctification!      This is how holiness works! Imperceptibly, we overcome our faults and human weaknesses when, in any given moment, we decide to pursue virtue—to rise above our natural tendencies and purposefully decide to act in a Christ-like way. Over time, with the help of God’s grace through prayer and the sacraments, we are freed from our sinful tendencies and learn to think and speak and act and love more like Jesus.      True love is more than simply a romantic love on Valentine’s Day, as sweet as that might be. For a disciple of Jesus, true love rises to a heroic love when we are able to overcome our dislike for someone by willing and desiring what is best for them. Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”           (John 13: 35).     As we rejoice in the love and kindness that others show us, let us continue to love one another as Christ has loved us, willing their good and what is best for them.